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When “Pizza‑Related Crashes” Become Official Data (PART ONE)
When “Pizza‑Related Crashes” Become Official Data (PART ONE)
BY NIGEL GRAY 3 JUNE 2026
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New Zealand Police have now confirmed something extraordinary.
In their own words:
“Police does not determine whether a crash is the result of a medical event.”
“Police does not independently determine whether a crash is drug‑related.”
“Police does not apply formalised definitions, thresholds, or decision rules.”
“Police records factual observations… Classification is undertaken by NZTA.”
“Police does not independently determine whether a crash is drug‑related.”
“Police does not apply formalised definitions, thresholds, or decision rules.”
“Police records factual observations… Classification is undertaken by NZTA.”
Read that again.
Police do not determine causes.
They only record factors.
They only record factors.
NZTA then turns those factors into causes.
So if the Coroner found only one thing — say, that the driver had eaten a pizza that night — then under this system the crash could be classified as:
“Pizza‑related.”
Because that’s how the framework works:
Presence becomes causation.
Correlation becomes classification.
And the public is told it’s science.
Correlation becomes classification.
And the public is told it’s science.
This is how we end up with “drug‑related crashes”, “medical‑event crashes”, and “alcohol‑related crashes” — even though the agency supplying the data explicitly says it does not determine whether drugs, medical events, or alcohol caused anything.
If presence = cause, then everything is a cause.
Pizza.
Coffee.
Antihistamines.
Stress.
Asthma.
A bad night’s sleep.
Coffee.
Antihistamines.
Stress.
Asthma.
A bad night’s sleep.
This isn’t crash investigation.
It’s taxonomy theatre.
It’s taxonomy theatre.
And it matters — because public policy, enforcement priorities, and national road‑safety narratives are being built on categories that the data‑collecting agency openly admits it does not determine.
The question for the public is simple:
If Police don’t determine causes, why are NZTA publishing them?
